Featured

Hey Movie Fans!

Welcome to Jordan’s Movie Guide. As you can probably guess, my name’s Jordan. Right off the bat, you should know I am by no means a professional movie critic. I’m not even an amateur one. So if you are looking for that on this site, you’re going to be very disappointed. I’m a police officer in my day (and sometimes night) job. Past that I’m just a regular guy who loves a cold beer, sports, the beach, and most importantly movies. I watch as many movies as I can and this is just a medium for me to talk about them with you, whether you are family members, personal friends, or just random fellow movie lovers. I keep my reviews simple and to the point. I watch movies to be entertained and my reviews reflect that. And hopefully you will find some entertainment in the reviews themselves.  Feel free to leave comments on the reviews. I’m doing this as a way to talk movie. So let’s do it.

Follow on twitter to get all the latest updates: @jordansguide

Send me an email with feedback and suggestions: jordansmovieguide@gmail.com

Wonder Woman Movie Review

wonder woman

Despite what the reviews say, once again, another movie this year turns out rather lackluster and disappointing.

Wonder Woman is yet another superhero origin story, this time of a powerful woman who is part God, I guess? The exact origins are murky, as are what exactly her powers are. But she’s powerful, has a magic sword, whip, and shield, is good at fighting, and wears a skimpy outfit. So that’s cool?

Continue reading “Wonder Woman Movie Review”

Alien Covenant Movie Review

It really shouldn’t be this hard to make another great Alien movie.

Alien Covenant is the follow up to the disappointing Prometheus with both being prequels to the original Alien. It follows a group of people heading to colonize a planet. During their journey, they make a stop to investigate a distress call (stop me if you’ve seen this before in an Alien movie). As they always do when people do dumb stuff like that, bad things happen and we have a reason to see the iconic Alien back on screen.

Continue reading “Alien Covenant Movie Review”

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 Movie Review

J

guardians2

I aspire to be able to come up with witty insults at the level of those thrown at Rocket in this movie. Trash panda and triangle faced monkey? Pure gold and had me rolling.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 picks up where the first one left off as we rejoin our ragtag team of heroes on more adventures that would make Han Solo proud. During one of these, the group meets Peter Quill’s (Chris Pratt) father (Kurt Russell) and things don’t quite go as planned.

Continue reading “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.2 Movie Review”

Fate of the Furious Movie Review

fast8

I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact they’ve made eight of these things so far. EIGHT.

The Fate of the Furious continues the series that has come a long way since being Point Break with cars. In this one, the team of terrible actors driving fast cars has to overcome their greatest threat- Vin Diesel. And I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence.

Continue reading “Fate of the Furious Movie Review”

Life Movie Review

life

Somehow the most unbelievable thing about this movie that involves a rapidly growing alien life form found in the dirt on Mars attacking a bunch of astronauts is the fact that NASA held a contest that let a bunch of elementary school kids name the alien.

Life is about a group of astronauts, most notably played by Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds, and Rebecca Ferguson, who find a dead alien life form in soil samples from Mars. Because humans are stupid, they decided to try and bring it back to life. Obviously this doesn’t go well and we have our movie… which is basically Alien.

Continue reading “Life Movie Review”

Kong: Skull Island

kong

Well, people that like seeing a giant monkey destroy helicopters are gonna love this one.

Kong: Skull Island is about an expedition to explore a previously uncharted island during the Vietnam war era. Obviously things don’t go quite as planned, because why would they when you do something stupid like go to an island shaped like a skull that is constantly surrounded by storms?  They encounter a bunch of unimaginable monsters, one of them being King Kong.

Continue reading “Kong: Skull Island”

Dr. Strange Movie Review

dr strange

I avoided seeing Dr. Strange in theaters because I was a little tired of superhero origin stories because they are pretty much all the same. Plus this one looked a little too odd and just not very interesting to me. But thanks to Redbox, I gave it a shot now. And it turns out this superhero origin story is… pretty much the same as all the other superhero origin stories.

Doctor Strange is the story of how Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) gets his powers during his recovery from a crippling accident. Did you know if you text and drive you could end up with magical powers? Me either.

Continue reading “Dr. Strange Movie Review”

Get Out Movie Review

get out

A movie with a nearly perfect Rotten Tomatoes score is always intriguing to me. I just wasn’t expecting this one to be… well completely wacked out of its mind.

Get Out is about a young black man who goes to meet his white girlfriend’s parents. This goes worse than most meet the parents situations go, which as most men can tell you is saying something. I guess the rest of us can consider ourselves lucky that most of our (ex)girlfriends’ families are only half this insane.

Continue reading “Get Out Movie Review”

2017 Oscar Predictions

It’s Oscar season again and I’m wildly unprepared to make these selections. Seriously, I’ve seen hardly any of these movies. None of them really interest me all that much. But I made it through college by mostly guessing so I have no doubts it’ll work here. Besides I went 14/18 on my picks last year. So obviously if you are betting in Vegas, bet on my picks. And share the money please.

Continue reading “2017 Oscar Predictions”